I recently wrote to a friend: Oh, boy, the blog….seems like it was a lifetime ago, as if it belonged to someone else named Cindy Zelman…

Many years ago, a porn website included the name “cindy zelman” as part of their keyword searches. I found out because someone I was dating found it. “That’s not me,” I said when she confronted me. I can guarantee that’s someone else. I do not have an alter ego who is engaging with a porn site.” In that case, the name really did belong to another Cindy Zelman, or it was just random mashup of popular porn star names. Yeah, I know, Cindy Zelman a porn star? It strains credulity.

This post isn’t about the blog. This post isn’t about porn. This post is, perhaps, a question of “Who IS Cindy Zelman.”

Funny thing, I recently told a friend that I’d stopped writing because I felt embarrassed by the writing I’d done in the past. Who was that Cindy Zelman? A cocky, self-centered jerk who thought it of the utmost importance that she writes about her truly disastrous relationships with women. Furthermore, that she makes fun of all of those women, as well as herself, because, well, that Cindy Zelman was just so funny and clever and muscular and cool. Oy.

I’ve already typed my name four times in this short post which just goes to show the creative nonfiction “navel-gazing” criticism has some truth. It’s a stereotype, but there is usually some kernel of truth in a stereotype. Still, understanding who Cindy Zelman is (mention #5) and how she relates to the world maybe significant, if it results in any meaningful interpretation of the world that I can pass along to you, my readers.

Probably we’ll need more than one post to figure that out.

Well, stay tuned if you’re interested. Don’t bother coming back if you’re not — and I don’t blame you!